Where do you get your value?

Most of us shop, buy, purchase and discard without thinking about it.

What you buy not only influences the state of the planet, but it also has an impact on you and your own self-image.

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Advertising and marketing often attempt to manipulate us into feeling aspirational desire--we aspire to be like the models--the people in the advertisements--who look happy, stylish, cool, popular, attractive, accepted, adored. We want to replicate those feelings of belonging, acceptance, happiness and being loved by purchasing those products. Unfortunately, consuming for the sake of happiness and love does not create sustainable feelings of love, happiness and acceptance. The rush of buying and using something new is fleeting and disappears over time, and with most things, diminishes very rapidly.

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People also buy things to try to create higher status for themselves. Expensive cars, phones, electronics, clothes, shoes, jewellery, accessories... when buying something for its 'status' benefits, you are creating an artificial bubble (which will pop very quickly) to get possible praise, attention or positive sentiment for something that has nothing to do with who you are: your stuff. 

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Rather than your personality, your qualities and what makes you unique, buying for the sake of status puts the value on money and external possessions. In the end, relying on this kind of validation only leaves us feeling empty, because owning certain possessions can never create the deeper connection and love we all want. Unfortunately, having expensive or trendy possessions does not make one more lovable or cool than anyone else. 

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In order to feel genuinely happier, improve your relationships and how you feel about yourself, we can first start with some quick awareness and reflection. Take a moment to think about each of these questions, for at least one minute each. If an answer doesn't come instantly, try to sit with the question longer.

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Where do you get your value, status and self-esteem from?

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How much do the items you buy and use influence your image, self-perception and perceived coolness?

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How often do you buy things just to fit in and be approved of by others?

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Are you aware of the connections between what you buy and how you feel about yourself?​​

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In our hyper-consumerist society, it is incredibly hard to tune out and avoid messages in advertising linking your value with your possessions. To also actively CHOOSE to not get your value from consuming and material possessions is even harder. Under capitalism, everyone has likely struggled with gaining value from acquiring products rather than from the right sustainable places. The good news is, we are all capable of getting majority (or all) of our self-value from healthy sources, and growing to need less and less external validation. Let's dive in:

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The Solution

If we want to avoid gaining "self-esteem", value or status from products, what are some healthy ways to work on those things?​

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First, we must go within - and build that self-esteem from inside. Here are some ways to start:

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1. Making the world a better place

Focusing on how you can help and make the world a better place is a FANTASTIC way to improve how you feel about yourself. Whether it be through your job, volunteering, acts of kindness or something else, helping others actually helps you feel happy and good about who you are. When you are appreciated for your efforts, people are actually appreciating and seeing the REAL you.

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2. Your connections & relationships

Good connections with others will always bring more happiness than excessive material items. Finding loving people who care about you, support you and love you creates more feelings of belonging than buying the newest phone or trendy clothes. Spending your money on experiences is more fulfilling than collecting more clutter. Working on being a more loving person to everyone around you also cultivates feeling better about yourself in a sustainable way.

 

3. Spirituality

We are all interconnected--humans, animals, plants, the Earth. When we think about life in a more spiritual way, the need for validation, approval and status from consumption decreases. We want to treat others as we want to be treated - which means minimizing harm, pollution and waste (especially since what goes around comes around). We realize purchasing items does not add any genuine boost to our self-esteem or value; our value is inherent.​

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4. Therapy (& Reading Books)

If accessible to you, therapy is a direct and impactful way to feel better about yourself (and to eventually need less external validation). There are excellent books (many available at your local library) on building self-esteem, improving your life satisfaction and feeling happier. Some recommendations include Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest, The 5 Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom and Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King.

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5. Personal accomplishments

Setting goals for yourself and meeting those goals is another way to feel happier and proud of yourself. Whether your goals are about a hobby, becoming healthier, volunteering, doing a project, achieving something at home, creating, building or something else, personal accomplishments are a much cooler way to get internal (and even external) validation. The best part is, YOU get to decide what's important to you, and will make you proud of yourself - not society. Reject the brainwashing to buy, and focus on what makes you feel satisfied long-term. 

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Final Reflection
Now is an important time to reflect and ask yourself:
 

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Do you believe people will remember you by the possessions or amount of money you had?

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What are your values? What are the most important things in life to you?

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Do you want to get your worth from the inside (who you are) or outside (what you have)? Why?

 

What qualities do you want people to love and appreciate about you?​​​
 

Is buying an activity that makes you feel proud of yourself? Why or why not?

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What makes you most proud of yourself? (Exclude any answers related to buying/having/owning things)​​

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